Question:
How do I break up with a woman I’m not even dating? I know that sounds silly, but I am good friends with a woman I know who wants more than just friendship. We hang out a couple of times a week, but nothing has ever happened between us. She keeps wanting to take overnight trips with me, and I am just not interested in her in that way. And yes, I do date women. I’m just not attracted to this particular one. I’ve never done anything to lead her on, and I told her from the start that I just want to be friends. But I feel like she’s not listening to me.
Answer:
I wonder why she’s not listening to you. You may say you’re just friends, but how many people past the age of 22 spend two nights a week with the same friend if they’re not dating? Jobs, hobbies, interests, other friends, even sleep – those things usually get in the way of spending that much time with someone who isn’t an intimate friend. Nothing PHYSICAL may have happened between you, but plenty of other stuff has, and it’s time to be honest with yourself about what you want and what you’re doing. It’s easy to blame her for misinterpreting, but people don’t get their ideas in a vacuum, so for her to hang in there with hope, you’re sending out signals (like, say, spending that much time with her).
“If the Buddha Dated” by Charlotte Kasl is a great book about being yourself and being true to yourself while dating. It helps you approach yourself and others honestly while going through what can be a challenging process. What type of relationship are you looking for, and what are you doing to get it? A relationship where someone has a crush on you that you do not reciprocate does not sound like a relationship of equals. It sounds like an easy way to play it safe and not get too emotionally involved. If that’s what you want, why? And if it’s not what you want, what the heck are you doing? You have to figure out what you want before you can get it.
Posted by: — Meg
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